WHY THE FUCK AM I AT WORK!?!?!?!?!

So um fuck you to everyone who has a day off today. Stayed out til like 5 last night. Went to sleep when the sun was coming up and everything. Felt like a motherfucking vampire. I’m pretty sure I smell like a rich homeless person right now. On Friday, I was going home and my boss confirmed we had Friday off, so naturally I went in to 3 day weekend mode. Fast forward to yesterday, he calls me with a nevermind you have to come in and open the office. So as a fuck you to that little lying traitorous fuck, I’m still drunk at work. I’m downloading 4 movies, while this asshole is cooking ramen. He’s so drunk, that I’m still drunk but I smell the alcohol off his breath. It’s ridiculous. He’s making me feel sober. Cheers to everyone else who’s in a cubicle, talking shit with their coworkers about how fucking lame their boss is for making them come in today because at least you guys knew you had work. I have Presidents Day blue balls right now. I want to go home and just sleep til I have eye boogers like a mother fucker.

Update. My fucking bitch of a boss brought a fucking sleeping bag from his car and he’s sleeping on the floor. I don’t even believe this. I feel like I’m being incepted right now. I would take a picture but my phones from 1994 and I’m not even sure it has a camera. I’m pretty sure I am Legend in my fucking office building is going on. Surviving off Noah’s bagels and water coolers. Maybe by days end I’ll have to fuck my assistant to repopulate the world.

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