Power of the Pussy

Princess Peach

Let’s get one thing clear.
Super Mario has revolutionized the gaming industry since it’s initial release.
Every video game that’s been produced after the birth of the fat Italian has been influenced by it ; one way or another.
However, like all genius/psycho (those two run side-by-side) people in the world, I believe that the producers of the game had a subliminal message that they tried to imply while avoiding censorship.

Don’t trust bitches.

Everyone knows the classic tale of how Princess Peach is kidnapped, which causes Mario and his sidekick Luigi to embark on a journey of rescue.
Right? Wrong.
Further inspecting the surface level of what Mario seems to present as a simple plot, we can find that Mario is purely driven by the motive of landing that royalty pussy.

First of all, let me point out that in no point of the game do you ever see a forceful restraint on Princess Peach from Bowser. No ropes, no cuffs, none of that kinky shit. Princess Peach simply rides off with Bowser in a luxury, rad, flying Yacht that even an Arabian prince can afford.
We can learn from this fact that this trick Princess Peach is a California Class of ’49, classic gold digger.

This fool Mario is so pussy whipped that he decides to bring his best friend Luigi into his puddle of shit. But, Mario clearly has no idea that Luigi is secretly aching to bone that Princess Poon too.
What we can also learn by further advancing in levels is, King Bowser himself is hooked on that young, “pure”, innocent vag. He never indicates what he wants for Princess Peach. If he was smart, he coud ask for a kingdom, some land, or all the money to attract some new and foreign hoes. But no, he’s so whipped on that goldi-lock bimbo, that he doesn’t see all the riches and shit he can milk from her at all.
Not to mention all the goons he’s sacrificing, and he even got his little sons and whatever the hell they are doing all of his dirty work for him! That’s family!

All in all, there’s no way Peach is really being kidnapped from her own will.
How many fuckin Mario games have we played?
Really bitch? You didn’t get the idea that you might need a body guard the size of the black guy from The Green Mile after being kidnapped in Mario 1?
Ok fine, everyone makes mistakes…what about after Mario 3?
Who the hell is your daddy? Cause if I WAS King, my young, slutty daughter, who will inherit my kingdom will not be kidnapped or boned by a green moster, with spikes coming out of his back.

But I would trade her for that sick ass flying yacht.

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